"Like I said, I need to know that I can trust you... do you really want to meet me somewhere outside of work? I can't lie..I did have fun with you last week, your crazy..but I like it. I want you to know that you can confide in my about anything. I know that you're nervous, we don't have to rush..unless you want to rush. Your still young and you haven't been in the game that long, I'm going to be gentle with you, but like I said you can't speak to anyone about this, it's between you and me, once I gain your trust we can take this to the next level, believe me, trust me, I know you keep saying your ready but I want to make sure, I can't make any mistakes.."


I remember the first time that I cut in front of him, he just looked at me with these sad puppy eyes.. he didn't tell me to stop or anything. He just watched, then he helped me clean the blood away from my thighs.

I really need to talk to someone..this sounds really stupid but my heart almost hurts...is that possible? for my heart to hurt?

"Why do you keep on asking me if I'm fucking with your head?. Why do you keep saying that..." Why do you want to mess with someone who can't give you all you need? I think you're beautiful, you should know that. But at the same time you haven't answered anything. I want you to be the agressor. I want you to tell me what you want me to do with you. You need to tell me if there is sometihng you are afraid of. You know that I'll respect you and your wishes. But I want to know how much control will you give me...? Tell me, what's going on through our head, what are you thinking?"


I keep seeing his wife's car

I know this is really cliche and really "little girlish" but has anyone ever had those weeks..those weeks where nothing seems to be going right. Nothing at all wants to go your way? well this is my week, its starts with my car pretty much being having a mind of its own...to my phone deciding to die. Now i don't consider myself a materialistic person but without a phone and car, i tend to become bitchy... and i also hate the rain..and its rained for two days.. straight.. part of me feels like this is gods way of punishing me..for sticking my head where it doesn't belong..just torturing me for being naive..

I honestly would really like to talk to him..but i'm not allowed..yup thats right..i'm not allowed..what am I in 5th grade??? 
You can fuck me whenever you feel like it...but i can't talk to you?

i spent my entire day today glancing at all of the letters he wrote me..i keep them in my wallet..well only a few of them..theres enough to fill a binder with..im terified my mother will find them so i carry some of them around with me...it makes me nevous reading his letters..i sometimes feel like he can see me reading them...does anyone get that? freaky...
i hate being on my period..i feel like one very large large whale

i spent this entire moring in the community of old greenbelt with these tree hugging people..people who have nothing better to do then to join a yahoo group and write about how different and earthy they are i made earthday masks with these people...the type of people who know everyone in their community and enjoy running into each other on a dailty basis..at the co-op at the youth center, picking their kids up from school...what a cliche..
not to my love life..what love life right? i dont tihn ive ever been this strung out on a dude b4 ever since i started my job..oh how i love married men :D i think that my sarcasm will get me very very far in life

i studied for my math test.i should be studying some more if i want to graduate..nice.

i think i like this livejournal i like that nobody really has one

i think im supposed to be a little too excited for this new blog of mine..maybe im supposed to have a myspace well i chose live journal maybe itll become my new best friend like my northface..i really dont have anything to say im just going to rant about my days..i decided where i want to go to college...i didnt get into my neighborood school even thouh i THOUGHT that i didnt want to go there, i want to go away, which i am but..there might be a bit of nostalgia when my friends are getting piss drunk together..whatever its 12:58 am and i should be studying for my math test on monday so that i can graduate..i will graduate!!!!

nobodys reading this piece of shit...oh but i will i need to come up with an alter ego name for me...the alter ego that comes back and reads what she wrote

dont mind me anyone